I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
