:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
