Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
