so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
