Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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