He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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