I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the gays at disneyland are vicious
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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