Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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