i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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