I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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