while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
