I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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