i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
