dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
