I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
