Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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