yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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