Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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