After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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