Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
