Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
