I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
