ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
wat bout pragnant strippers??
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
