He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
