Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I lost the right to judge tonight
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize