If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
