My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
