My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
