i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
