I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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