Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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