Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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