im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize