I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
