if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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