I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This house was built for laser tag.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
