Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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