Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
