you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
