i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
