OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
