my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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