I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
