Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
