is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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