Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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