I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize