ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
