I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
