Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
