I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
