Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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