remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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