I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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