cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
