My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
