don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
