My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
