If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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