Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
