This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
