Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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