I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
