I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize