I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
