can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
