Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize