Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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