It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How does one acquire holy water?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize