Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
