literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
