I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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