Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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