I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
