By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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